Most people live for holidays - for the break, for the rest, for the days to shut off from work. So why have I had to reach out to managers and mentors to help me take my first day off in 4 months?
Tonight, I am driving to the north of Scotland, to a place where there is no phone service, no internet connection and no way of taking a sneak peek at Workplace. Everyone I have talked to has championed the importance of taking time out of work, but it has been a real struggle to take my first step to resting. I want to understand and explain how my drive for continuous achievement has blocked me from resting and switching off.
Over the last 4 months, I have been experiencing a level of motivation I have never held. I have a burning desire to learn, to grow and to achieve. And it is this motivation that is getting me to work at 7am every morning and keeping me there till 6pm every evening. But I also believe this motivation is the thing that has been stopping me from taking that precious time off.
Holidays are like coffee.
When I was leading my forest school, I was surrounded by people who were addicted to coffee. Terrified that I was going to succumb to this need for coffee to get through the day, I developed a rule for myself. The rule – 1 cup of coffee every 3 days, only to be had at the lowest point of the camp as a boost for morale. The result – I almost never had coffee. Why? Because I didn’t know when I was at my lowest point. I have fallen into this same trap with my holidays. I want to take days off when I need them, when I am at my lowest point, when I need that coffee. Rather than waste them at a time when I can power through my tiredness.
My Guilty Conscience
I must admit, the thought of taking a few days off has terrified me. Even though I know the factory will still run perfectly without me. I feel in my current secondment, there is a great sense of teamwork. There is a drive to make the factory better tomorrow than it is today. Being part of such a driven team has elevated my work rate and helped my produce a continuous stream of value adding projects. But the thought of being away from the team that will continue to work while I am gone, gives me a great sense of guilt. Like the act of taking a holiday is an immoral and selfish one.
Fear of Stopping
I do not stop. And I actually don’t think I know how. I live in a cycle where I have to be constantly active. One of my best friends asked me this week, “what do you do to wind down?”. My answer, well I sleep. I have built my life around activity and productivity, and this has turned the concept of stopping for a while into a foreign and distant reality. In a role where I have learnt so much, I have been on a journey of completing tasks. As such I feel I have built a great working momentum, so much so that I want to maintain it, at the expense of taking a holiday.
I completely understand that these barriers to taking holidays are unjustified. In concept, I know that there is great importance in taking time out of work. I have heard and read about the benefits, however actually committing to rest has been a bigger challenge than I expected. I would have loved this blog to be one of positivity and excitement about holidays, however than might just have to be a blog for a future day. Nevertheless, I recognise the necessity of this step, not only for my well-being but also for sustaining long-term productivity and fulfillment. So, as I embark on this journey to switch off and unwind, I hope to come back with renewed energy and a fresh perspective.
So, for the first time,
[Status – Out of Office]
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