Procrastination
What a dirty, horrible word. With connotations of failure, laziness, and unproductivity. But is it really all that bad? In the last two weeks, I have caught myself procrastinating—looking out the window and thinking, "I wonder how much wind it would take to blow the roof off Ops 2," or turning my pens into fidget toys. What I want to understand is, is it really the worst thing in the world to take a moment to look out the window? Because that's what it feels like.
Every time I procrastinate, I feel a huge sense of guilt. With only so many hours in the day to achieve my goals, I strive to do the best job that I can. It's not a brag; it's my mentality, and I believe it is who I am. This MDS program is the biggest opportunity I have had—to learn and develop myself into the person I want to be—and I am committed to seizing every opportunity that comes my way. The reason behind this? Well, why wouldn't I be 100%? I have two years to meet my potential, and I want to finish this program having given everything I have, with no regrets and no missed opportunities.
So, even when I feel this enormous guilt when I procrastinate, why does it still happen?
Fun things are really fun to do. That's why, as a child, I would come home from school, lie about having no homework to do, and go play outside (though that tactic never actually worked, but boy did I try). And this mentality of prioritizing things we enjoy follows us through education and into the workplace.
Procrastination has caused me a world of hurt. For years, I prioritized activities and tasks that I enjoyed or had a passion for. And if I didn't have that passion, I really struggled to focus and complete tasks. Another thing that drives me to procrastinate is my perfectionism. As mentioned before, I take a lot of pride in my work and hold myself to a higher standard. This means I can spend an excessive amount of time on a task, ensuring it meets the requirements before sending or submitting pieces of work or even sending an email.
But why have I started thinking it's okay?
I have an unconventional, creative, dyslexic brain. And while it may seem counterintuitive, the moments of delay and diversion have allowed my mind to be its creative self. Some of my best ideas have come to me when I am counting the birds in the sky. When faced with impending deadlines and the nerves kick in, it triggers bursts of imaginative thinking. The pressure to complete tasks in a limited time frame has forced me to find innovative solutions and break free from conventional patterns, leading to some great ideas. By embracing my procrastination tendencies, I have inadvertently created the space I need to open my mind, proving that even the most seemingly unproductive habits can bear surprising fruits.
So, what am I doing about it?
I can't just stop procrastinating; it's a level of self-control I do not have yet. However, what I can do is use it as a marker for my development. Bear with me. When I started this role, I was not procrastinating. Why? Because I simply did not have the time or the headspace to take time out from completing my duties. However, as I have learned about my role, environment, and skills, I have been able to deliver high levels of results without fully utilizing my time. This is what happens when we settle into a role; everything becomes easier, and we work with efficiency. Understanding this has led me to make the decision to use procrastination as my trigger.
If I have time to procrastinate, I have the headspace to learn.
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