Are you comfortable being on your own? I’m not talking about relationships, but the sole action of spending an evening, a day, a week in your own company. Well, today, I am going to tell you a story about friends, self-reflection and confidence. Because I am starting to think that they are all connected.
I’ve got a friend, lets call him Angus. Now, Angus could never admit that he truly understood what it was like to enjoy the company of himself. Throughout his education, he was never a socialite. He didn't feel like he particularly fitted in to one group, clique, or narrative, and he certainly didn't have the confidence to stand up and make life-binding friendships and relationships. This experience left Angus to continually seek experiences with other people. He would push himself to be involved in social situations with a constant desire to be accepted and included. And when he was accepted or included, he would give anything and everything to maintain that relationship, sometimes at the expense of his own needs.
Right, why am I telling you this? Well, spoiler alert, Angus isn’t real. And this story is my own. But I would be surprised if it was yours too.
I have always hated the idea of being on my own. I would scoff at the saying ‘I need my own space’. Because it epitomised the exact thing that I was running away from. As humans we have a need for human interaction. It’s the first lesson I used to teach my bushcraft students: The survival rule of 3. 3 minutes without oxygen, 3 hours without shelter, 3 days without water, 3 weeks without food, and the lesser know 3 months without human interaction or hope.
Highlighting, that the boy to your left and the girl to your right were going to be the reason you get through the experience. They were going to be the ones that picked you up when you were struggling and the ones that you would be holding out your hand to help. However, in life, you are not always going to have someone by your side.
So, what actually happened when I was on my own?
I fidgeted, looking for distractions. I’d look at my phone, call friends and family, I’d sing and play music, write songs. Anything to avoid confronting the silence and solitude. Without sound, I was consumed by the deafening rumble of my inner thoughts and insecurities. I don’t believe that I possessed the self-awareness or maturity to deal with all those feelings.
Oh how things change.
If you hadn’t realised yet through this blog, my life has changed a lot over the last year. And last weekend was a testament to that. Late Friday night, I made a spontaneous decision to have a solo kayak adventure weekend. I packed up my tent and kayaking gear, ready to seek the release of nature that I had been begging for after all a long week at work. After a long day on the river, I pitched my tent, fueled myself, and wandered down to the riverbank. Armed with my guitar, my highland flute and a head full of thoughts.
As I sat there, accompanied only by the river and a setting sun, I felt a moment of pure happiness in myself. Deeply reflecting on my journey, my challenges and my achievement. For once in my life, I didn’t need my guitar, or someone to talk to. Slowly, I am building a newfound sense of self-confidence. I believe that is down to my development through my working life. This role has empowered me to believe in myself, to take accountability for my actions and to own the failures and successes of my work. And as I go through the cycles of project delivery, my confidence is only tracking in one direction.
I hope this story serves as a reminder that it's essential to strike a balance between social interaction and self-reflection. Solitude can be a valuable companion on our journey towards personal growth and self-assuredness.
So, as I share my story, I invite you to consider your own relationship with solitude. It might be scary at first, but it can also be a journey of self-discovery, empowerment, and ultimately, a path to building more meaningful connections with others. Because sometimes, the most important company you can enjoy is your own.
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